The language of marriage

During the holidays, I was shopping with a friend I hadn’t seen in maybe two years. We had scheduled a weekend to hang out and catch up on what had happened in our lives since we’d last seen each other. She’s married and I’m single, which really doesn’t have any bearing on our friendship, just the way we talk to each other.

When we were two single free-wheeling ladies on the town, there was something of an understanding: anytime anywhere we could talk to each other. At three AM, I could call my friend and be sure that wherever she was, she would answer. Yes, now we’ve gotten older and the need to call at three AM–or even past ten PM–is a non-issue, but now that she’s married, windows of conversation are slightly smaller than they once were. There’s the call from the car on the way home from work, the weekend call when hubby’s away and laundry’s done, and the call when “we’re on the way” or “we’re back home now.” This is fine with me, especially since I really don’t have much to say these days. (How free-wheeling can you be when you’re only one wheel?)

The thing I noticed  most while she and I had our rare “girls’ weekend” was not how many times she’d called me over the years since she’d been married, but how her language had changed.  There were no more “I”s, but now everything she said was a “we”. “We chose the rental home for vacation”, “we couldn’t even get out of the driveway when the storm hit”, “we hate asparagus, but we love string beans!”  I didn’t even notice it until in the middle of a conversation between some racks of clothing, I said “we”. Wait a minute. I wasn’t with anyone when I picked out that black dress. What am I talking about?

It’s not a good or a bad thing, being a “we”.  I actually don’t know what it’s like, but I do know that it is different from the “I” that explains my current status as a single female.  I like being an “I”. It means, that I only have one person to really worry about daily, only one person to consider when I am making decisions. But I also know that my friend likes being a “we”  (and so does her husband). They are a really good example of how great it is to be in a marriage where being a “we” is fun.  If I ever become a “we”, I would want to be the happiest “we” I could be.

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